<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>When I close my eyes, it's you I see by neowise</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27506296">When I close my eyes, it's you I see</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/neowise/pseuds/neowise'>neowise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 03:27:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,966</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27506296</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/neowise/pseuds/neowise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Donghyuck falls into despair the day he gets a soulmark. There's only one person that he wants, and that's Minhyung.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Challenge #3 — soulmates</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When I close my eyes, it's you I see</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>On the day he got his soulmark, Donghyuck’s first thought was: </span>
  <em>
    <span>I will never be happy again</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not everyone has a soulmate. Experts in the science of soulmarking claim only 25 percent of the world's total population have one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is nothing definite about a soulmate anyway, despite its existence being acknowledged for two hundred years now. The idea has been romanticized in literature for centuries but in reality, having a soulmate is not always associated in finding love and partnership as real scenarios documented prove there can be platonic soulmates too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck doesn't have much knowledge about a soulmark other than it being a tattoo-like drawing composed of random but unique lines and swirls appearing on your chest and that a person who has it shares something unique with another person who has an identical mark as theirs. Soulmarks also usually appear the year a person turns 20. He has never actually seen a soulmark up close before he got his because he didn’t personally know anyone who had one and he grew up not being interested in soulmarking. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Shock is putting it mildly when he discovered the soulmark on his chest that cold January morning, a good six months before he even reached 20. As there is nothing definite about soulmarks, he only knew of theories saying it can appear days before or even weeks after your 20th birthday so he can’t help but think this is fate’s cruel joke on him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the most cruel joke is that he doesn’t want a soulmate, especially not right now when he just had his first kiss three nights ago with the boy he had liked for so long.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck is still high from the wonderful feeling of the New Year’s eve kiss he and Minhyung shared in front of his house right after Johnny’s party. They haven’t talked about it properly yet because they haven’t seen each other since that night but their exchange of messages for the past three days assure Donghyuck they are moving on to the next step in their relationship any time soon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck is not ready to give that up, not when he has been in love with his best friend for years now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And a soulmark, despite all theories debunking soulmates as the be-all and end-all of life, can threaten that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck is sure that it’s only Minhyung he loves. They were best friends who grew up together and what Donghyuck feels for Minhyung is a kind of affection and appreciation he knows he will never find anywhere else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After that big summer fight they had days after Minhyung’s birthday last year that resulted in them not talking for weeks, Donghyuck knew he didn't want to lose his best friend again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck is not scared of his feelings changing because of his soulmark. What he feels is insecurity that it will be Minhyung who will reject him when he finds out that he shares a mark with someone else. They are not even together officially yet and this mark can mean the end for them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not because he thinks Minhyung is fickle. Rather, it’s the opposite. Donghyuck knows his best friend can be too selfless and secretly romantic to a fault. Donghyuck knows if Minhyung finds out that his best friend has a soulmate out there, he would want Donghyuck to try and find his soulmate and not just settle down with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck feels insecure not knowing if Minhyung will fight for him or if he will choose not to stand in between Donghyuck and the person that fate chose for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck thinks he will not be able to love anyone else the way he loves Minhyung. And he doesn’t want fate to make the decision for him on who he is supposed to love. A soulmark cannot change what he feels. As he stared at the mark that appeared on his chest while he slept, tears started falling. He closes his eyes and counts to sixty. When he opens his eyes, the mark is still there, staring back at him and breaking his own heart.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been a week since Donghyuck woke up with a soulmate mark and he still feels miserable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had gone through being in denial then angry then just plain sad for the whole week. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now he is at the stage of blaming and pitying himself because while he was going through the emotional rollercoaster, he was also consciously neglecting Minhyung. He found it hard to reply to his messages knowing he was keeping a big secret from him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he can’t keep avoiding him anymore. Classes will start again in a few days and even if he and Minhyung don’t belong to the same college nor take the same classes, his best friend knows his schedule by heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck stares at Minhyung’s last message to him that he has yet to reply to:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is there something wrong Hyuck? Are we good?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For days, Donghyuck has been considering what to do. He thought about consulting his parents but he knows his mom will encourage him to find his soulmate first too. There is that lingering fantasy in society over a random mark that only a certain part of the population gets to have and he knows his mom likes the novelty of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thought of talking to his friends, maybe one of the hyungs like Johnny or Taeyong who Donghyuck considers to be wiser and more experienced. Or maybe he should talk to Jaemin or Jeno, two of his and Minhyung’s closest friends who have known them since they were toddlers. They would take his side, knowing how long Donghyuck has been in love with Minhyung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the end, Donghyuck goes to Renjun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck met Renjun at freshmen orientation and they got along fast. Though Renjun has formed friendships with Minhyung and the rest of Donghyuck’s own friends, Donghyuck still thinks of Renjun as his friend more than Minhyung’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the real reason why Donghyuck thought of Renjun is because he had an experience of dating someone who had a soulmark. Donghyuck met Yukhei for a few times but all he can remember about him now is how he left Renjun when got his mark.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck starts with an apology because he remembers how heartbroken Renjun was when he and Yukhei broke up and talking about his soulmark might remind his friend of that. He tells Renjun of the New Year’s eve kiss, of the morning he woke up with a soulmark, of the days he avoided talking to Minhyung. He tells Renjun of the first time he realized he was in love with his best friend, back when Minhyung was already in his last year in high school because he is a year older than them and would be leaving Donghyuck behind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tells Renjun of how much he loves Minhyung and how painful it was then they fought for weeks. Renjun reminds him that he knows that, being one of the witnesses of the Minhyung and Donghyuck summer cold war. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s so unfair that when I finally get the courage to confess to Minhyung, I get this. Like I’m being reminded that the world doesn’t want us to be together,” Donghyuck says. There are no more tears falling from his eyes but the ache in his heart is still there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand why you feel sad, Hyuck. I understand too why you came to me first,” Renjun says, smiling warmly. “But having a soulmate doesn’t mean you and Minhyung can’t be together, right? Not all soulmates are romantic partners. And not all romantic partners have as much history as you and Minhyung too. We all have different stories.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m really sorry…” Donghyuck starts, but Renjun shushes him softly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you really afraid of, Donghyuck?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to hurt him, Jun. I don’t want to break his heart like the way yours got broken when Yukhei met his soulmate. I don’t have plans of intentionally looking for the person who shares the same mark as me. It’s not a necessity in this lifetime because I already have someone I love,” Donghyuck says. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I’m scared that even if I choose Minhyung and assure him that I’ll keep choosing him, he won’t believe me anymore just because I have this mark.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What you are hurting about is not something anyone else can fix,” Renjun says. “The first step to every relationship is an honest conversation. You know Minhyung better than I do but I have seen the way he looks at you. If you want to be together, you have to be brave too. Be confident in what you two have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to tell you a secret?” Renjun asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck looks up and sees tears forming in Renjun’s eyes. He rushes to wipe them and Renjun just laughs at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve thought about this a lot months after Yukhei and I broke up. Even without his soulmark, I don’t think we would have worked out. Sure, I blamed the mark and it made me feel diffident but deep inside I knew things were not working out anymore between us not because of the mark but because we wanted different things in life,” Renjun says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We loved each other and I believe what we had was sincere. But it had a time limit too. And it’s not just because he had a soulmate. The truth is, more than the shock of knowing Yukhei had a soulmate, I was more surprised he was ready to move to another country in an instant. I don’t have that level of spontaneity and I don’t think I’ll ever have it. I’ve always imagined myself being planted in one place and growing there. I don’t want to leave and in the long run I know I won’t be able to make Yukhei stay, with or without a soulmate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun wipes his tears again and reaches out to pat Donghyuck’s hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are not living the same story, Hyuck. What you and Minhyung have is different from what Yukhei and I had. It is different from all other stories those with soulmarks have. Don’t be scared to write your own story with the person you want it to be with the most.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After talking to Renjun, Donghyuck felt that he was on an emotional high. So before he can even back out, he decided to go directly to Minhyung’s house. His mother let Donghyuck in and he went straight to Minhyung’s room, memorizing the layout of his house like his own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as he saw Minhyung’s face, relief and warmth poured into Donghyuck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung is clearly surprised to see Donghyuck in his room when they had no prior plans and Donghyuck hasn't been properly replying to him for days. He’s obviously confused and slightly hurt. Donghyuck is ready to be confronted for his actions, but the first thing Minhyung asked was “Did you cry? Why are your eyes so puffy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck laughs, the most sincere laughter he made in days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, you always know me best Lee Minhyung,” he says as he pulls his best friend to a tight hug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Hyuck? I’m so worried about you,” Minhyung whispers to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cowardice and fear start creeping into Donghyuck again so before he can even change his mind, he lets go of Minhyung’s hug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need to talk,” he says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds bad,” Minhyung says. “Whatever it is, I reject you leaving me. I like you a lot. I haven’t even told you properly how much I love you. So we have to try first. We aren’t even together yet, you can’t possibly want to break up with me already right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck laughs again, this time it’s because of Minhyung’s voice raising like it usually does when he internally panics.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that you confessing to me now?” Donghyuck asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would’ve preferred to confess to you better but I’m feeling desperate now because it feels like I’m losing you,” Minhyung says with a sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Donghyuck says, feeling guilty. “I’m sorry if my recent actions made you feel that way. The truth is I was fighting so hard to keep you, Minhyung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck sighs. This is it. There is no other way to escape this conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“First, I want you to know that I love you too. We would have to re-do our confession and explicitly state our dating status later but for now, let’s start by acknowledging we love each other romantically and not just as friends,” Donghyuck says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Minhyung nods, Donghyuck continues.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Minhyung. And whatever I tell you now won’t change that. I’ll allow you time to think about your response but I want it to be clear to you that you are and will always be my choice. No one and nothing can change that, not even fate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung’s eyes widened with shock and Donghyuck knew he’d understand it fast. His best friend has always been the faster thinker between the two of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck slowly takes off his hoodie and his undershirt and before he can even look up to Minhyung’s face he already hears the gasp.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This appeared a week ago and I don’t know why I have it and why it’s so early. It’s still months away from my 20th birthday. When I saw it, I panicked. I am very sure I only want you but I’m scared you wouldn’t feel the same way or you would doubt my choice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung didn’t answer for a few seconds. His next words caught Donghyuck by surprise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I made you feel that way, Donghyuck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Minhyung. It’s my own personal insecurity. But I realize now that soulmarks don’t necessarily mean a romantic partner right?  Maybe I’m just about to meet my new platonic soulmate best friend soon because I’m going to start calling my former best friend as boyfriend now?” Donghyuck says, reaching out to touch Minhyung’s face. He hopes his touch will remove the barrier of doubt growing between him and Minhyung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please choose to still be with me,” Donghyuck pleads, echoing the desperation Minhyung felt minutes ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung lands a soft kiss on Donghyuck’s nose before replying, “Do you want to know the first moment I realized I was in love with you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck tilts his head to the side confusedly before nodding slowly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We were both 17 at that time. It was a few weeks before my birthday. You were teasing me because it’s one of the few weeks we share the same age. You said it doesn’t matter what I’ll do, you always try to catch up with me and beat me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was really a brat huh?” Donghyuck says, laughing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that hasn't changed. But your words made me realize too that while you thought you were chasing after me, in my perspective, I was the one trying so hard to keep you in my life. I want to walk beside you until the end. It doesn’t matter where we go or what we do or what we end up being to each other. The most important thing for me is I have you in my life. I don’t need anybody else, just you. That’s when I realized that I am in love with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And that won’t change, even with my soulmark,” Donghyuck says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung traces the mark on Donghyuck’s chest. Donghyuck notices tears falling from Minhyung’s eyes but he was smiling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Minhyung?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of answering, Minhyung takes off his own shirt. And there Donghyuck sees on his chest is a soulmark identical to the one he has, only on the opposite side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for keeping this a secret for a long time Hyuck. I got my soulmark on my birthday last year. I was so in denial too that fate wants me to be with someone and that someone might not be you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that why you snapped on me on your birthday then stopped talking to me for weeks?” Donghyuck asks. Surprisingly, he doesn’t feel angry that Minhyung kept this a secret. If not for Renjun, he would’ve done the same thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I’m so sorry. I know I apologized already before for that angry period but I’ll keep apologizing for it. I didn’t know what to do with the fact that I have a soulmark. After a long time of not seeing you, I realized I don’t care about whoever stranger has the same mark as me. I only wanted you. I knew I had to come clean sooner or later but I want to love you first with all that I have and maybe by the time I have to tell you about it, we can just ignore the mark for the rest of our lives.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess we really are just the same. That was my initial plan before Renjun talked me out of it and reminded me honesty is the key to a good relationship,” Donghyuck says. He moves closer to Minhyung, this time tracing the mark on his boyfriend’s chest too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise this is the only secret I kept from you. And that fact that I’ve been in love with you since we were 17,” Minhyung says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck leans in to kiss Minhyung, first on his lips then on that tiny mole on his cheek.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So what does this make us? Soulmates? Boyfriends?” Donghyuck asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve loved you even before the soulmark happened, Hyuck. You are the love of my life, with or without it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Lee Minhyung. Boyfriend, bestfriend, soulmate. I want all of that with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the day he found his soulmate, all Donghyuck can think about was: </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll always be happy with him.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had so much fun writing this. The soulmate trope is always interesting to me because while having a soulmate feels like a security blanket, I personally feel terrified too of not having the free will to love who we want to love. </p><p>P.S. I used Minhyung here because Mark and soulmark were so confusing to write! </p><p>Thank you to this great fest I was able to bump myself from writer's block and actually finish something! Kudos to the mods!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>